ok, so the point of this blog (as the rather self-explanatory name presumably makes clear) is to talk about my passion for crappy food. not crappy in terms of taste-- oh, no. junk food is nothing if not delicious. i mean crappy in terms of satisfying your USRDA of any nutritive substance.

my goal is to take you on a tour of the depths of human gluttony. i'm not ashamed to admit it. well, maybe a little ashamed, as evidenced by the lack of any identifying criteria. but i've been holding off on posting for a while because this blog will be nothing without pictures. i understand that. i'm here to provide a service, after all. and my current 3megapixel jobby is not up to snuff (not to mention inoperable) so i'm sorta slacking in that department.

nonetheless... today's topic is CLEARANCE CHOCOLATE
this is really hit-or-miss. usually the stuff you find on the clearance table is so utterly ravaged by bloom (you know, that white waxy stuff that makes chocolate look disgustingly chalky) that it's worthless.

however, my local Von's has a shelf of non-bloomed truffles, turtles and caramels that's currently marked down to 75% off. that's right, .25 on the dollar. omg. (maybe i need another blog, cheap-ass cheapie.) i bought a box of truffles and a box of caramels. total price: $4.50. i think it's about 12oz of chocolate, and of course i devoured them all over the course of the weekend.

...

don't judge me!

at any rate, these chocolates were produced by these chocolates were produced by Monterey Bay Chocolates. i don't know if they're going out of business or Von's is just clearing this stuff out, but they were actually pretty good (especially for the price!)

there's nothing worse than a bland caramel. luckily, these were exceptionally buttery, with a nice salty kick. personally, i prefer a really wet, flowing caramel. i know i am in the minority, but i'm way too lazy (with way too many fillings) to bother with really thick, chewy caramel. nevertheless, i rather enjoyed these.

ditto on the truffles. these certainly appeared to be hand-made, and they were (mostly) delightfully smooth and flavorful. one of the more interesting ones seemed to be a take on peanut butter and jelly: thick, almost crumbly peanut butter center with a chocolate coating that had been rolled in some sort of raspberry powder. cute idea, nicely executed!

the cremes were a different story, though. i'm not sure what these are... it's not a ganache, it's not a buttercreme. actually they taste like a fondant made from powdered sugar and glycerin and plenty of (artificial?) flavor. they were really sweet. really, really sweet. i'm talking, tongue-numbingly, throat-cloggingly sweet. and that is a strange thing for me to say, since i used to eat teaspoonsful of sugar, straight up, as a kid. the centers are rather loose and basically ooze all over your fingers after taking a bite. some of the flavors were not immediately identifiable-- at least, not until i took a closer look. the flavor may not have been readily apparent, but these centers were very brightly and very artificially colored. yup, that's ORANGE all right. i didn't exactly care for these, but as a clearance item, who can complain (and obv it didn't prevent me from eating them all...)

ok, as i said, no pictures. but you get the idea. as soon as i buy a new camera, i'll be sure to pack this place full of as many boring, junk food-related photos as possible! til then ...

-jfj